my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We don't watch enough power rangers
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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