i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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