This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
