ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
