Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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