white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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