he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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