Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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