It's Friday. Sex?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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