Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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