ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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