In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
