I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
third nipple confirmed
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
