I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
