yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize