Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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