Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
