3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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