When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
