I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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