This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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