you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
