her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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