if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
