sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
