i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
