Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
