Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
