i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
