pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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