I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
