Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
