Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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