I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
