I think I died a long time ago.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My ass is underappreciated
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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