Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
