I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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