I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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