I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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