Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
