That's intense
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
