So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
