Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
