I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
