I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize