I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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