Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Say something about gay babies.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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