With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
