I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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