i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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