so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
