i need an iv and a liver transplant
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i think i have two assholes
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
