I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize