How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
