he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
