She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
