don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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