There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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