hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
