is your mom at the bar?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
