you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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