I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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