Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She's the barista slut.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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