I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
