please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
