So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
