just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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