you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
