Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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