he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
