Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
