I want to walk on stilts...naked
only you would photoshop your dick
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You are the jesus of drinking
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My bed smells like the plague
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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