Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize