You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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