Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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