Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
