Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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