woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
