now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
