This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Alive.
So much puke
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
