So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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