Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
