So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
