I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
